Hilarity Ensues on Saturday Night

So here I am at like 6pm at my computer playing online poker when out of no where I get a message from some random chick with the SN: XChItOwNpLaYa969 on AIM. Unfortunately I didn't have the foresight to save the conversation, but I'll summarize it up. She IMs me with the "Who is this" line which is always entertaining. She goes on to read my profile which links her to this xanga page where she then accuses me of being an "old man." This raised some suspicion that she definately has the wrong maiku (which as you know, happens almost weekly.) But as you will later discover, these kids consider 22 an "old man." She asks me if I'm Michelle's friend. After she continued to call me an old man, I told her that she was nice and young and that I am going to molest her to which she signs off [blocks me]...

So apparently she runs and consults her mature guy friend, who like any great hero brings his online e-thug attitude to IM me. And here is our lovely transcript that I did save.

Tails1056 (9:28:53 PM): yo who is this...
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Auto response from MAiKU (9:28:53 PM): I am away from my computer right now.
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MAiKU (11:07:00 PM): who teh fuck are you
Tails1056 (11:07:32 PM): were u the one who was talkin to XChItOwNpLaYa969?
MAiKU (11:08:00 PM): yup
Tails1056 (11:08:08 PM): who r u?
MAiKU (11:08:19 PM): who are you?
Tails1056 (11:08:29 PM): im her friend who r u....
MAiKU (11:08:43 PM): i'm maiku
MAiKU (11:08:49 PM): but you can call me o captin mike
Tails1056 (11:09:14 PM): how did u meet her...
MAiKU (11:09:26 PM): who are you a private investigater
Tails1056 (11:09:48 PM): no im her friend and she told me some shit...
Tails1056 (11:09:59 PM): how did u meet her...
Tails1056 (11:09:59 PM): over some internet shit....
Tails1056 (11:10:00 PM): ?
MAiKU (11:10:15 PM): here i am sitting here watching my child pornography, and out of no where she IMs me
Tails1056 (11:10:43 PM): well then how does she know you?
MAiKU (11:10:43 PM): did you know god invented everything? he even invented child pornography, bless GOD in the highest
Tails1056 (11:11:30 PM): answer me...
MAiKU (11:11:35 PM): make me
Tails1056 (11:12:44 PM): look you fucking faggot dont ever fuckin talk to her again.... your a fuckin freak u sick bastard.... and bitch u shouldnt have made a xanga neither.... cause now i got all the shit on you....
MAiKU (11:13:37 PM): really? like what

So he showed me by blocking me. Nancy and I are basically laughing our asses off. At this point, I still have no idea what this whole thing is about but I felt like persuing it nonetheless. You could tell by his writing that he's definately on the young side. So Wut Ken I dew?! I'm blocked!! But LanceLaCour isn't, so I signed on Lance and we had a great conversation. What became incredibly ironic is that he felt so tough that he knew SO MUCH INFO about me from my xanga profile: ie (my state, my birthday, and that I help my neighbor take out her trash.) that I soon learned more about him than he would ever know about me!

LanceLaCour (11:33:33 PM): hi u from maryland?
Tails1056 (11:33:48 PM): no....
Tails1056 (11:33:50 PM): whos this?
LanceLaCour (11:33:53 PM): sup man
LanceLaCour (11:33:58 PM): long time no chat
LanceLaCour (11:34:06 PM): how you been man?
Tails1056 (11:34:10 PM): who is this?
LanceLaCour (11:34:19 PM): michelle's friend
LanceLaCour (11:34:23 PM): whats up man
Tails1056 (11:34:33 PM): whats your name?
LanceLaCour (11:34:43 PM): lance
Tails1056 (11:34:56 PM): and your friends with michelle hill?
LanceLaCour (11:35:09 PM): ya man
Tails1056 (11:35:20 PM): oh...
Tails1056 (11:35:22 PM): well wussup.....
LanceLaCour (11:35:29 PM): chillin you?
Tails1056 (11:35:38 PM): chillin.....
Tails1056 (11:35:41 PM): bored....
Tails1056 (11:35:48 PM): tired.....
LanceLaCour (11:35:58 PM): whoa calm down i didnt ask for your life story

Oh, tag?

Tails1056 (11:36:08 PM): lol
Tails1056 (11:36:29 PM): wheres michelle?
LanceLaCour (11:36:46 PM): i dunno but i heard about XChItOwNpLaYa969 being bothered by someone... i dunno who tho
Tails1056 (11:36:55 PM): i know...
LanceLaCour (11:36:55 PM): you hear about that shit?
Tails1056 (11:36:59 PM): some fuckin perv....
Tails1056 (11:37:05 PM): i fuckin talked to the guy....
LanceLaCour (11:37:11 PM): oh?
LanceLaCour (11:37:13 PM): did he realy say that shit?
Tails1056 (11:37:14 PM): i was like do you know her?
Tails1056 (11:37:20 PM): and hes like no....
LanceLaCour (11:37:37 PM): what a liar
Tails1056 (11:38:16 PM): and then he says "im sittin here watching my child pornography and she ims me out of no where" so i was like how does she know you then and hes like "do you know god made everything? even child pornography? god bless him" so i said answer me and he said make me...
LanceLaCour (11:38:32 PM): wow what an asshole
Tails1056 (11:39:03 PM): so then i said "you know what you fuckin faggot dont ever talk to her again... you sick son of a bitch... and you dumb fuck you shouldnt have made than xanga o yours in your profile cause know i know all your information ya fuckin perv..."
Tails1056 (11:39:16 PM): i got his sn if u wanna fuckin curse his ass out too....

Wow!! Curse him out!! This guy is evil!!

LanceLaCour (11:39:44 PM): yea man
LanceLaCour (11:39:48 PM): i want at that perv
Tails1056 (11:40:07 PM): MAiKU
Tails1056 (11:40:10 PM): thats it...
LanceLaCour (11:40:13 PM): thanks man
LanceLaCour (11:40:21 PM): how does she know that perv anyway?
Tails1056 (11:40:37 PM): tell me like what happens....
Tails1056 (11:40:39 PM): i dont know..
LanceLaCour (11:40:47 PM): whats his xanga site?
Tails1056 (11:41:01 PM): its in his profile....
Tails1056 (11:41:06 PM): hes fuckin 32
Tails1056 (11:41:22 PM): she told me he just started iming her and saying hes gonna molest her and shit...
LanceLaCour (11:41:38 PM): do you have his xanga site i want to see this perv
Tails1056 (11:41:52 PM): no...
Tails1056 (11:41:55 PM): y is he not on>?
LanceLaCour (11:42:00 PM): no =(
LanceLaCour (11:42:31 PM): you said you knew his information from xanga???
Tails1056 (11:43:06 PM): yeah it had his birthday where he lives.... everything...
Tails1056 (11:43:11 PM): he lives in california...
LanceLaCour (11:43:31 PM): where does it say that?
Tails1056 (11:43:54 PM): like on the left...
Tails1056 (11:44:02 PM): you could prolly look it up on the xanga site...
Tails1056 (11:44:06 PM): www.xanga.com
Tails1056 (11:44:15 PM): and then click search and then type his name in...
Tails1056 (11:44:21 PM): maiku or some shit...
Tails1056 (11:44:31 PM): and then it'll prolly find it....
LanceLaCour (11:44:58 PM): http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=maikusama is this hte one?
Tails1056 (11:45:33 PM): yeah...
Tails1056 (11:45:37 PM): thats the muh fucka...
LanceLaCour (11:45:50 PM): wow dude, you are right in calling him a faggot man, he sure looks like one

Hhahahahahahaha, oops XD

Tails1056 (11:46:10 PM): yeah yo....
LanceLaCour (11:46:26 PM): dude he's 22
LanceLaCour (11:46:28 PM): not 32
Tails1056 (11:47:01 PM): oh...
Tails1056 (11:47:03 PM): my bad...
LanceLaCour (11:47:12 PM): yea math wasn't always your best subject its coo tho

So I got bored now and wanted to try to find out more information about this guy....

LanceLaCour (11:49:36 PM): you almost done with school?
Tails1056 (11:49:50 PM): ?
Tails1056 (11:49:55 PM): like graduated?
LanceLaCour (11:50:00 PM): vacation
Tails1056 (11:50:06 PM): oh...
Tails1056 (11:50:08 PM): no...
LanceLaCour (11:50:38 PM): are you michelles age?
Tails1056 (11:50:47 PM): yeah....
Tails1056 (11:50:51 PM): how u know michelle?
LanceLaCour (11:50:58 PM): im in her english class
Tails1056 (11:51:10 PM): ooohhh...
Tails1056 (11:51:20 PM): then u should know if were out for vacation or not.....

I thought my cover was blown here, but he was too stupid and let it go...

LanceLaCour (11:51:22 PM): how do you know michelle?
Tails1056 (11:51:28 PM): shes in my math class....
LanceLaCour (11:51:53 PM): ohhh
LanceLaCour (11:51:57 PM): you think she's cute?
Tails1056 (11:52:10 PM): i dunno y?
LanceLaCour (11:52:16 PM): i think so
LanceLaCour (11:52:21 PM): do you?
LanceLaCour (11:52:27 PM): don't tell her i told you tho :O
Tails1056 (11:52:57 PM): she aight...
LanceLaCour (11:53:09 PM): you talk pretty thug like
LanceLaCour (11:53:14 PM): you a gangster?
Tails1056 (11:53:21 PM): no...
LanceLaCour (11:53:22 PM): oh
Tails1056 (11:53:24 PM): im a tagger though...

Rofl? a tagger.... WOW MAN I TAG ON WALLS CUZ I'M THUG K? ^^

LanceLaCour (11:53:35 PM): that's pretty gangster tho
LanceLaCour (11:53:46 PM): you tag leet stuff ?
Tails1056 (11:53:57 PM): i tag tails....
Tails1056 (11:54:02 PM): thats my tag name...

Tag tails... from SONIC THE HEDGEHOG... and he calls ME the faggot!?

LanceLaCour (11:54:08 PM): fasho
Tails1056 (11:54:37 PM): hhhhhhhhhmmmmmm m.........
LanceLaCour (11:54:54 PM): sup?
Tails1056 (11:55:07 PM): shit wrong aim...
Tails1056 (11:55:08 PM): lol

Again, I thought my cover was blown...

LanceLaCour (11:55:15 PM): yea good job buddy
Tails1056 (11:55:21 PM): lol
LanceLaCour (11:55:27 PM): maybe you need to stop inhaling those tag fumes
Tails1056 (11:55:40 PM): lol
Tails1056 (11:55:54 PM): yo u know shaun liner?
LanceLaCour (11:56:34 PM): i think so isn't that the person who eveyrone makes fun of?

I love those generic answers that always work....

Tails1056 (11:57:01 PM): lol... well lets put it this way... hes the kid who had sex with kiera like twice...
LanceLaCour (11:57:30 PM): wow no way !!! how old is shuan again?
Tails1056 (11:57:45 PM): 14....

A critical question, because it gave me the answer I needed. Yes, that's right. I'm dealing with a bunch of 14 year old "thug taggers."

Tails1056 (11:59:22 PM): but anyway he wants to tag.... so i was like ok man.. so then he wanted to hit up this door at picwick... so i was like aight man ill look out for u.... and then he does his tag SONIC "i dunno y he chose that but whateva" and then i turn around to get my marker from him and i see a white can parked...not regular but like sideways and i was like ooooh shit... so i told him to walk away then we ran across the street....
LanceLaCour (11:59:54 PM): wow that's intense
Tails1056 (12:00:17 AM): yeah i was like "oooooooooohhhhhh fuck...."
Tails1056 (12:00:29 AM): but ive been in worse...
LanceLaCour (12:00:37 AM): that's pretty thug man
LanceLaCour (12:00:58 AM): you gonna tag up maiku's door?
Tails1056 (12:01:07 AM): like i tagged this lil like toilet paper thing in the wal mart bathroom and when i finished and put my marker in my pocket a fuckin cop walks in.... so i fuckin walked out fast as hell....
Tails1056 (12:01:12 AM): he lives in cali yo....
Tails1056 (12:01:19 AM): i aint got no money to go to cali...

I had a feeling these people were from Chicago, since that chick's SN had "ChiTown" in it... I was trying to confirm it here, but would later get the key evidence I would need.

LanceLaCour (12:01:41 AM): you should make him come to us
LanceLaCour (12:01:49 AM): we'll fuck that faggot up
Tails1056 (12:02:00 AM): yeah man....
Tails1056 (12:02:06 AM): i fuckin hate dudes like that....
LanceLaCour (12:02:11 AM): like hwat
LanceLaCour (12:02:31 AM): people who try to act tough on the internet? or people who take everything said on the internet seriously? i hate those people too

A blatant attack on him, that again flew right over his stupid head...

Tails1056 (12:02:53 AM): that and those child porn mugs....
LanceLaCour (12:03:38 AM): hey bro imma go sneak out and get some food
LanceLaCour (12:04:25 AM): hey tails, what city did you and shuan tag that door at?

I realized I could use the city, and google it and find out where they're from...

Tails1056 (12:04:32 AM): k...
Tails1056 (12:04:32 AM): where u goin to?
Tails1056 (12:04:53 AM): schaumburg.... by pickwick apartments.. on the street of frost juniopr high...

So now, I have his confession of where and what he tagged on. What an idiot....

LanceLaCour (12:05:38 AM): i gotta check that shit out sometime
LanceLaCour (12:06:41 AM): imma go to taco bell on Roselle St, i'll talk to you later man

I thought this was pretty clever, so I googled Schaumburg to discover it's in Illinois. I then went to TacoBell.com and used the zip code to find me a taco bell in HIS area, and used the taco bell that's on Roselle Street hahaha.

Funny shit as usual, he thought he was so thug cuz he knew my state and my birthday. Well buddy, I know plenty about you too. And you're such a dumbshit you didn't even know that I was talking to you the entire time. The fact that you are so retarded to actually believe that I was looking at "Child Pornography" while I was talking to you shows just how easily you can be pursuaded. But then again, you are a Christian so I guess that prooves my point. Bah-zing.